Why is it that a lot of nonbinary people don’t like the terms girl or boy?

This is a question that I got the other day from a supportive family member who was trying to better understand their nonbinary sibling:

“Why is it that a lot of nonbinary people don’t like the terms boy or girl? Thanks for helping me to understand.”

Here was my answer:

Because everyone’s experience is unique, I definitely can’t answer this for all nonbinary people. However, for me being nonbinary means that neither the identity ‘girl’ or ‘boy’ (‘woman’ or ‘man’) feels like a complete fit.

Both gender labels feel incomplete, even inaccurate.

The people who understand me best understand that on some level, I experience life as both—and in my case, live and am perceived by others that way too.

I think of myself as both, beyond and in-between, which you can learn about here.

Plus, there’s usually a myriad of assumptions about a person’s experiences that get assigned along with those gender labels. Perhaps that’s another reason why the terms girl and boy don’t sit well with many nonbinary people. On a personal level, these gender assumptions rarely hold true for my life experience.

Finally, other language such as pronouns (she/her vs. he/him) all too often seem to follow a girl or boy assignment. So do terms of endearment, such as dear or sweetheart vs. dude or bro, for example.  This is another reason why I prefer to steer clear of the gender terms you’re asking about.

 

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I hope this helps your understanding and congrats on growing yourself to better connect with your nonbinary sibling!”

What else would YOU add to this answer? Share your insights and experiences in the comments below.