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You are here: Home / LGBTQ+ / What is Nonbinary Gender? On Being Both, Beyond, and In-Between
What is Nonbinary Gender? On Being Both, Beyond, and In-Between

What is Nonbinary Gender? On Being Both, Beyond, and In-Between

January 26, 2023 By Cade Hildreth Leave a Comment

Nonbinary, what does it really mean? Whether you’re involved with the mental health system, the medical system, the educational system, or aspiring to be a more informed person, the term nonbinary is unquestionably increasing in its frequency and use.

You might see this term written as “nonbinary” (one word) or as “non-binary” (hyphenated). Either way, it means the same thing.

Given the rapid rise of this gender identity in recent years, let’s dive into its meaning.

What is Nonbinary?

Nonbinary is a term used by people who reject the idea of a gender binary (male/female).

Nonbinary people may identify as both man and woman, they may identify as genderless, or they may alternate between gender identifications over time.

Personally, I identify as nonbinary, because I identify with a spectrum of gender identities.

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by Cade Hildreth | They/Them 🏳️‍🌈 (@cadehildreth) on Feb 27, 2019 at 4:28pm PST


Because nonbinary describes a person’s identity, the term can (and will) mean different things to different people.

Why the Term Nonbinary?

Since the 1950s, the medical field has referred to two distinct genders, male and female. Contextually, binary means “consisting of two parts.” It’s a binary view, because it sees gender in black or white.

In contrast, a nonbinary person, by definition, operates outside this strict view of gender.

Nonbinary is similar to, but distinct from, gender fluidity, which is a fluctuation between or a willingness to explore different gender identities.

The Difference Between Sex and Gender

In describing these terms, it’s important to note that within Western cultures, the word “sex” generally describes biological differences between male/female.

In contrast, the term “gender” is a broader term that is used to describe in how a person lives within society— that is, their gender identity.

However, sex and gender aren’t fully separate from each other.

As Alok Vaid-Menon, author of the book Beyond the Gender Binary reminds us, labelling gender as “cultural” and sex as “biological” neglects that biological sex is also cultural. For example, many cultures don’t perceive adornment as a supplement to the body, but as part of its being.

Nonbinary vs. Genderqueer

Genderqueer is a term that people often confuse with nonbinary, but it has a separate and distinct meaning.

Typically, genderqueer means that someone doesn’t conform to the societal expectations associated with the gender they were assigned at birth.

Genderqueer people may embrace traits from both of the traditionally assigned genders or or they may embrace neither. They also may identify as something in-between.

Most, although not all, genderqueer people embrace the gender spectrum.

Because identities are multi-faceted, some nonbinary people may also identify as genderqueer.

Transfeminine and Transmasculine

These are two more terms that are rising in usage.

Transfeminine is a term used by people who were assigned male at birth, but whom embrace femininity more than they embrace masculinity.

Masculinity is a compilation of traits that society regards as characteristic of men, so this societal expectation can vary from culture to culture.

Mentioned above, Alok Vaid-Menon is a gender non-conforming performance artist, educator, and writer, who prefers this identity.

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by ALOK (@alokvmenon) on Sep 1, 2019 at 3:18pm PDT


Transmasculine is a term used by some people who were assigned female at birth, but whom embrace masculinity more than they embrace femininity.

Femininity is a compilation of traits that society regards as characteristic of women, so it again can vary from culture to culture.

I’m an example of a transmasculine person who embraces this identity alongside the identity of being nonbinary. This raises an extremely important point, which is that identities are rarely singular.

Identities are frequently multi-faceted, which is why it is valuable to ask other people about their identity and pronouns.

This is a respectful way to engage in conversation about their experiences, preferences, and the ways they prefer to interact with the world.

What’s It Like Being Nonbinary?

Identifying as a man or woman (or all or in-between) is an internal process.

Society tends to give young people an ultimatum, assigning them at birth as either a boy or a girl. This ultimatum happens because of government issued IDs, such as the birth certificate, Driver’s License, Social Security Card, Passport, and Military IDs.

This decision is then reinforced day-after-day by the English language, which unfortunately uses gendered pronouns.

Because nonbinary people don’t conform to the binary view of gender, language is having to evolve. Many nonbinary people go by gender neutral pronouns.

Personally, I use the pronouns “they/them” because they best capture my life experience.

Thankfully, on September 17, 2019, the Merriam-Webster dictionary added this new definition for the word “they,” defining it as a way to refer to nonbinary individuals who identify as neither male nor female.

They as a pronoun for nonbinary people

Today, it’s getting easier for nonbinary people to change their names and gender in public records.

And, many educational institutions are now recognizing gender non-conforming individuals by developing healthcare programs and gender-neutral bathrooms.

How to be an Ally to Nonbinary People

An ally is person who supports the a community, whether or not they are a part of it. Meaning, you can have the power to help nonbinary people even if you don’t identify as one.

Here’s what you can do to support nonbinary folks:

  • Ask what pronouns they use.
  • Ask what name they prefer
  • Ask questions about their identity in a caring and authentic way.
  • Be accepting and let them know that you support them.
  • Spend time with them in non-gendered spaces.
  • Patron places with gender-neutral washrooms.
  • Allow them the freedom to explore and evolve their identity over time.
  • Donate your time or money to organizations that support nonbinary people (for example, LGBTQ+ charities).

Life as a Nonbinary Adult

As a nonbinary adult, if I could leave you with one piece of advice, it would be this: Regardless of how much you learn, you still won’t know what a specific identity means to another person unless you ask them.

So, ask respectfully and ask often.

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“As an LGBTQ+ entrepreneur, real estate investor, former USA Rugby Player, and fitness fanatic, I’ll teach you what your parents and teachers should’ve taught you, but didn’t know themselves.” -Cade Hildreth

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Or, listen to Cade’s articles on the go as a Podcast.

Because it’s the New Year, let’s talk about ch Because it’s the New Year, let’s talk about change...

For a long time, I’ve thought about top surgery. I remember when I was 6 or 7 years old when I wanted to run around outside on a hot, sunny day with my shirt off…and I first saw my parents… hesitate. Ughh. 

It wasn’t their fault but I still remember that heart wrenching feeling. To their credit, they ultimately said, “Ok, go do it!” While I did “do it”, I remember the feeling of shame that crept in.

Over the years, being in affirming sporting/rugby circles helped suppress the urge to get top surgery, but it never quite “stayed down.”

So last summer I got keyhole #topsurgery. I’ll talk about recovery in another post because it was definitely weird to not strength train for months.

But in THIS post, I want to share two things:

1. I am SO grateful to my wife Erin for being the supportive and growth oriented partner that she is. 🥰🙏❤️ 

She is now following her call to get a divinity degree and she’s already working in ministry as a Pastor in Training at an incredible, inclusive Presbyterian church here in Virginia. I am grateful to her for supporting me as I become more and more of who I am—and I’m enjoying watching her do the same! Love you, babe!

2. Second, I’m grateful to get to share who I am with my family. This summer we took a trip to Madden’s resort in MN to celebrate my parent’s 50th wedding anniversary. (It was actually their 52nd, because we had to postpone it twice due to Covid.)

I was nervous to be in the pools and lakes around them, but I could feel it was my only choice because I knew I wanted them to “know me”. And, how could that happen if I “hid me”?

Ultimately, I have to tell you…it was freeing to be me, as I am, who I am. 

I had the BEST time splashing around and biking and goofing around with my wife, niece, nephew, & sister. 🌊🏖🐟

So, I suppose, this is a gratitude post to thank those who have supported me over the years as I become more and more of who I am. 

Top of that list is my wife, Erin, but there are countless others. ❤️

If you’re reading this, thank YOU for being one of those people in my life too. I am deeply grateful. 🥹
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#lgbtqfamily #nonbinary
How to set a boundary? 🤔 . . . . #lgbtqia #lgb How to set a boundary? 🤔 
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#lgbtqia #lgbtqcommunity #emotionalhealth
What do you do if you’re telling a past story ab What do you do if you’re telling a past story about someone who has transitioned? 🤔 Share a 💯 if you agree ➡️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈
7 things I got clarity on in 2022: 1. Good and b 7 things I got clarity on in 2022: 

1. Good and bad are labels. All things are experiences. 

2. Maturity is taking full responsibility for oneself. 

3. Having a loving, conscious relationship with myself is a core value. 

4. Emotions do not mean that anything has to be done. 

5. When I am in congruence with what I want, I have it. 

6. I have permission from myself to stop doing anything that doesn’t lead to my peace and empowerment. 

7. Stepping toward emotions and being able to feel them is a superpower. It determines the quality of my life. 

(Are there any above that you’d like me to further explain?)
 
Most importantly, which # above resonates with you? ⬆️

Happy New Year, y’all! 🎊🥳
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#lgbtqcommunity #lgbtqiaplus #lgbtsupport #nonbinary #trans #selfgrowth
Interview with Jenny Nguyen, Founder of the Sports Interview with Jenny Nguyen, Founder of the Sports Bra—The World's 1st Bar to Only Play Women's Sports - shorturl.at/doGHZ

I'm excited to introduce you to today's #podcast guest, Jenny Nguyen, who is a professional chef, elite athlete, and entrepreneur.

I invited Jenny onto the podcast because she has done something extraordinary that is long overdue: She has opened up a sports bar that exclusively plays women's sports!

Despite extensive research, Jenny hasn't found another sports bar worldwide that ONLY plays women’s sports.

Given that it's nearly 2023, this is mind-blowing. As a lifelong athlete, I find her vision compelling and inspiring.

Aptly called the "The Sports Bra", the venue is putting Jenny's culinary skills on display alongside women's sports worldwide.

The Sports Bar has taken its mission a even further by partnering with and elevating other local, women-owned businesses.

Specifically, it:

1. Sources its grass-fed beef from @CarmanRanch, an ranch run by Cory Carman, a third gen rancher out of Wallowa, Oregon).

2. Sources its alcohol from Freeland Spirits, an all-women owned and operated distillery out of NW Portland.

3. Has furniture built by @girlsbuild_org, a non-profit organization headed by @ktmhughes in Portland, OR, that teaches carpentry and construction skills to young girls as a path to empowerment.

Since opening the Sports Bra this April, people have come from ALL over the U.S. and the world to experience it—including many professional female athletes.

To learn more about Jenny as she makes history, features women's sports, and elevates women-run businesses, listen to the episode here:

shorturl.at/doGHZ

Or, you can check out the Sports Bra at:

@thesportsbrapdx
TheSportsBraPDX.com/

Have you heard of the Sports Bra or been out to experience it in person?

#lgbtqiaplus #womenownedbusiness #lgbgtqia #lgbtqcommunity #womenssports #womeninsport
Over this recent holiday stretch, we… - enjoye Over this recent holiday stretch, we… 

- enjoyed some quiet time at home
- got a sauna delivered (but not yet installed)
- decorated for the holidays
- baked a bunch
- visited our favorite farm
- did some sight seeing
- and perhaps, most importantly, survived the cold snap along with our feather friends (who lived in the garage for a few days so we could heat them with a space heater) 🥶🐔

How have the holidays treated you…and did you get hit by the winter storms? ❤️🎁☃️❄️
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